Monday, January 19, 2009

Memories of past loves haunt us

So have as few loves/lusts as possible:


They say that you never forget your first love.

But perhaps you should, because memories of it can wreck your relationships for life, research suggests.

Professor Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey, suggests striving for that initial intensity of emotion can help relationships survive.

Using MRI scans, she observed similar brain activity among those who had been happily married for more than two decades with those who had been in relationships for less than six months.

She said: ‘I found incontrovertible, physiological evidence that romantic love can last.’

The book also examines why people pick partners with a similar social background.

The Daily Mail


Our vision of "romantic love" is actually a vision of self-love: find someone who completes you, who makes you feel like the center of the world, who inspires great passion in you, who uplifts you... it's all about you, you, you!

These cliches describe an exceptional hired servant more than a lover or spouse.

Research increasingly shows that finding someone like you who understands you and you can respect is more important than some wacked-out notion of love centered around yourself. It also suggests that years of casting around blindly fornicating in search of that love just makes you a burnt out slag.

1 Comments:

At 5:29 PM , Anonymous susan 28 said...

actually Schopenhauer suggested the "completes me" thing as a genetic predisposition to find someone with the traits we lack to produce a more well-rounded (fit) offspring, but that this trait also sabotaged long-term happiness because although opposites may attract, they don't relate very well.

so there's merit to both arguments here.

 

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